Shattered: A Daughter’s Regret by Melody Carlson

My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Cleo and her best friend sneak out of the house to attend a concert while her mother is at a friend’s bachelorette party. Despite Cleo’s plan to keep their clandestine meeting just that, her mother somehow finds out and drives into the city to meet Cleo and her friend. Unfortunately, the unthinkable happens and Cleo is left without a mother. Guilt grips Cleo as she comes to terms with why her mother was in the city anyway and she can barely deal with the reality of it all. To numb her pain and help her make it through the day, Cleo turns to Vicodin and later to other cocktails of prescription medication. Will she be able to beat the pull of her addiction?

It took me a while to get into this book. After the first few chapters you finally get the drift of what’s going on and you can follow the story. I only gave this book two stars because the characters seemed pretty black and white. A quick summary of the book could be seen as this, Ticked off Cleo goes to concert in spite of mother’s reservations. Mom finds oult. Mom is murdered while going to pick up Cleo at forbidden concert. Cleo overcome with guilt. Turns to prescription medication. Gets addicted. Gets help. Guy she likes is still interested in her. That basically sums it up. I don’t think the characters were well-developed at all. Cleo is just a normal teenager. There was nothing “special” about her or anything that made her stand out. I feel like I don’t even know her other than that she was somewhat of a brat to her mom. {I do understand that the ambiguity of the characters might have been so more readers could relate to them, but it seriously detracted from the value of the book as a whole.} I feel like by having Cleo’s mom DIE from as a result of her going to “rescue” Cleo from the concert, the author went for shock value, but let Cleo off later in the book by only going through withdrawal with her aunt at home. She didn’t get caught at school, or by the police which would have been equal to the shock value of your mother dying because you disobeyed her. Does that make sense?

I was an avid reader in high school–as I am now. This book would have left me seriously disappointed as a high school student–just as it has as an adult. The over all message of this book was a good one, but I think it could have been delivered in a much more intriguing way. More detail, more of a storyline, maybe even throw in some mystery surrounding the murder. Instead I was left with an eighteen year old’s thoughts which were really not interesting at all.

I received a copy of this title from Glass Road PR for review. All opinions expressed are solely mine. I was not compensated in any other way for my opinions.

People ask me how I am adjusting to four kids at least once a week.  Most times it is more like three or four times a week.  My answer varies.  Honestly, I do what I have to do.  I wake up with the desire to stay in bed, but thankfully (?) my children won’t allow it.  They are hungry and are itching {literally, since the mosquitoes looove my sweet children} to start the day.  The stuff that gets my ire up is not the day to day busyness that having a new baby brings…no, as far as I am concerned, the diapers, nursing, multiple outfit changes {for both the baby and I…she has an impeccable sense of time and aim} are just that, busyness.  When I have to break up the fifty-first disagreement between argumentative siblings and it’s only nine AM, I get annoyed.  I’m frustrated as my two year old hits her hands against her own head and yells because she is so frustrated with communication and her inability to do just that.  The unkind words said to those who are closest to us and the bad attitudes are the things that make my skin crawl and make me step back to count to ten {but while you are counting to ten, don’t hold your breath; you just might pass out and then where would the kids be?  Oh, right they’d be warring over who took whose candy in the kitchen….just a wee reality check for you.}  The baby just gives me something a little extra to smile about in the midst of the mundane and the training.

Adjust is the perfect word for what I do on a daily basis.  In fact, I don’t know any parent who doesn’t adjust on a daily basis.  You could also substitute the words adapt, tweak, perfect, merge, and other fun words that all mean the same thing…doing what you have to do to create a sense of family, of love, of togetherness while still maintaining a sense of mom’s in charge.

So I’m adjusting.  I’m giving myself a lot of grace and *trying* to extend that same grace to my husband who deals with a cranky wife when the baby has been up half the night and also to my children who put up with a cranky mommy and enough peanut butter to clog their teeny tiny veins.  I’m finding that my time with God, whether that be through praying throughout the day or actually getting a chance to sit down with my Bible, is more and more an act of survival as opposed to an act of ‘getting it done. <—–I think that’s a great change in my perspective and if that’s the most I learn out of these years, well, I think they’ve been fruitful years.

All that said, I’ve compiled a list of ten ways to help adjust to a new baby in the house.

1.  Know your limits.  If you are tired, go to bed. No matter what your to-do list says.  {If the children are not yet asleep, however, make sure they are well taken care of by a responsible adult before nodding off. <—–word to the wise}

2.  Pixar/Dreamworks/Veggie Tales are your friend.  Don’t worry if your kids watch a little bit more TV than normal.  As long as they don’t start dreaming about ‘Mater and the ghostlight’ or cracking jokes about ‘uncles who are always lit but still need headlights’ they are going to be just fine.

3.  Time out. For you and your significant other.  Yes. Take a time out. Just the two of you.  Even if it is while the kids are in bed and all you are doing is eating ice cream…out of the gallon jug…with two spoons, or one for that matter.

4.  Sweet or Salty This is probably extremely not politically correct, but go ahead and eat that treat.  Now I’m not talking six {or a whole package *ahem*} of girl scout thin mints.  I’m talking in moderation here, but seriously, don’t sweat the ‘belly that looks like cookie dough’ as my daughter calls it.  Your body {along with some major help from God} just grew a baby. A whole other human. You have earned your girl scout badge. Now celebrate with the cookies.

5.  Connect Whether it be through a local group likes MOPS or through a YMCA or just other moms on your block, connect with other women and mothers.  Not only will it get you out of the house, but it will also give you someone to bounce ideas off of and tell you that yes, your baby is normal and yes they will *someday* sleep through the night and no, you don’t look fat in those jeans.  All very necessary.

6.  3. Tsh Oxenreider, aka Simple Mom has her to-do list.  Then she has her MIT’s–MOST IMPORTANT TASKS.  These three tasks are the ones that if she accomplishes them, even if she doesn’t accomplish anything else, she considers her day to be a success. I love the idea of completing three things and being able to feel accomplished.  My list of MIT’s might look like this:  1.  Shower, 2. Brush Teeth, 3.  Feed Kids  <—I aim high, don’tcha know

7.  Don’t write ridiculously long blog posts. like this one.

8.  Pray. It sounds trite, but seriously, talk to God about it–whatever it may be, He’s listening and who knows, he might just talk back.  There are definitely days where I just say, “Seriously, God?  Seriously?” {I have it on good authority that this saying was recently heard at a certain blogger’s house after her son deliberately missed the toilet. a moment of silence, please.}

9.  Simplify. …whatever you can. You really don’t need five course dinners that are set on the table in serving dishes.  Serve from the pans and if it helps, eat on paper plates.

10.  Cherish. Take a moment to just cherish this time.  To remember.  I know I sound like the fifty year old woman telling you to “Remember these times because they go so fast” as she pushes her cart out of the grocery store without having to worry about two monkeys hanging on either side and trying to play chicken with a pickup truck, but seriously, my new baby, the one that was JUST BORN in February?  yeah, she turns four months old this week and is no longer acting like a newborn.  She is smiling and cooing y’all. Too soon and I don’t want to forget this time.

So, congrats for making it this far down the post and now I just need one last thing from you,  what would you say helped you adjust to the presence of a new family member?  I’d love to hear your comments.  Thanks for reading and have a wondiferous day!

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It’s Monday again.  I know that’s news to you, right?  I rolled, sleepy-eyed out of bed this morning wishing for just a few more minutes {hours really} to sleep, but Zahara’s field trip was today and she needed my help to get dressed and ready to go. There is so much going on right now so I’m using this post as a bit of a dumping ground for all the fun happening this June.

i’m sewing. I recently opened my online shop called k petrella designs. I’m sewing up all sorts of fantastical goodies and later this week I’ll be listing some new prints and some new patterns.  There is also a $20 shop credit giveaway going on at The Southern Institute of Domestic Arts and Crafts. Go enter!  {you know you want to}

i’m reading. A lot right now.  Bloom book club, sponsored by (in)courage started yesterday and we are reading The Fitting Room by Kelly Minter.  It’s a book about being clothed with the character of Christ.  Should be “fitting” because we all know I need to work on my character.  My friend Kalyn is also joining this book club.  Kalyn and I both attended the same school growing up and now she blogs at A Quiet Strength.  One of my favorite things about her site is her weekly “A Prayer for Every Nation” posts.  This past week her brother-in-law posted on Brazil since he and his wife are missionaries there.  I would highly recommend these posts!

I’m also reading The Ministry of Motherhood by the amazing Sally Clarkson.  This woman is so full of wisdom and knowledge and I know that when I am reading her books on motherhood, I am hearing God speak to my heart about how I can improve as a mother.  She’s not talking about just keeping the house cleaner or making sure the laundry drawers are organized…she’s talking about the attitude BEHIND the action and the opportunity to show our children Jesus by serving them.  This book is part of the Good Morning Girls Bible study program.

i’m counting. The husband who fixed the roof.  That he didn’t get struck by lightning while he was tarping the roof {real story}. Antibiotics so the ear infection went away.  Sleep.  Cortisone cream and Benadryl for bad bugbites that itch and itch.  My big girl having her last day of pre-k.  I’m counting my gifts as they come…and trying to hold on to some as they go.

i’m studying. I’m taking an e-course called “How To Build A Blog You Love” by Liv Lane.  And truthfully, I want to do just that.  There are tons of amazing contributors and while the course started yesterday, registration is open until the thirteenth.  Definitely a recommend.

i’m also…talking, planning, planning meals, sewing, creating, and trying to stay ahead of the game while enjoying life where it is now…

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so, what’s happening in your life?

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this post is linked to

My grandmother has run a coffee shop all her life. She has studied under some master cake decorators and has been decorating since she was sixteen years old.  She is an entrepreneur. She raised five children on her own by supporting herself through these endeavors.  She is someone I truly look up to and admire.

My mom was a nurse, but she was always kind of crafty/artsy.  I remember looking in the hall closet at our first house and seeing ten or more dresses all hanging from their wire hangers.  I could have my pick of the hand-sewn dresses that mom sewed and then sent me to school in.  Later she started a basketry business and one of the highlights was sitting at her booth at the craft fairs.  Again. Entrepreneur.

I sew. I opened a shop. I’m trying to support my family doing something I love.  Entrepreneur.

Do you see the trend?  Having an entrepreneurial spirit can be a wonderful thing and I’m happy to share this trait with the other matriarchs of my family, but it CAN be a bad thing.  I have a hard time letting a hobby be JUST that…a hobby.

So, what about you?  Do you share any traits with your mom or your grandmom?  If so, I’d love to hear about them…even if the only trait you share is a toenail that grows in the shape of Africa or something like that.

{for the record I have tried cake decorating *I wasn’t patient enough* and I did help my mom make baskets.  To be quite honest I actually have a box of reed sitting in my attic just waiting to be woven. Hmmmpph. We will see if that happens.}

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{image credit Mae Chevrette Art}

With lots of kids running around, knick-knacks are not a kind of art that I can sustain.  Instead I tend to lean towards art that can be hung up on my walls and displayed. Art that inspires me and spurs me on.

I opened my own shop a few weeks ago and this print is one that inspires me to keep going.  The expectations for this shop from a statistical standpoint are dismal, yet as this says, “it is in all of us to defy expectations”.

Expectations can be damning.  Many an endeavor has been lost due to unmet expectations.  Businesses, relationships, hopes, dreams…all dashed against the rocks so today I say to myself, defy them, Kristina.  Defy them.

And today I say to you,

Whatever the expectation is,

defy it; do better; go beyond it,

ladies,

blow that expectation out of the water!

*****

One of my most vivid memories of my younger years were car trips in the summer.  My mom worked weekends at the local hospital, so it was just my dad, my brother, and me headed out for what always proved to be an interesting and fun time {well, the time I got briars stuck in my hair wasn’t so fun, but the other occasions were memorable}.  I remember specifically one time that we were headed back from birdwatching when my window spontaneously shattered.  To this day we still have no idea what caused it to happen.  My brother and I spent the rest of the ride home huddled under my father’s windbreaker in the backseat with gusts pelting us.  It was quite the adventure.  All that to say that even though one doesn’t have to worry about icy roads in the summer, road safety is still as concern.  Hopefully the following ten tips will help you have a safer summer on the road…

1.  Don’t Drop the Sippies I try to explain to my children before we pull out of the driveway that if they drop their sippies, blankies, or various other seemingly necessary accoutrements that I WILL NOT be able to pick them up until the vehicle is stopped.  Making sure my children know this at the very beginning seems to cut down on the carelessness of dropping their things.

2.  If the word potato doesn’t come before the word chip it just isn’t cool. It is a-okay to ignore the potato chips on the floor, but if their is a chip in your windshield DON’T ignore it.  The windshield provides up to 30% of your vehicle’s structural integrity {something you don’t want to compromise} and a chip smaller than a dollar bill {6 inches} can easily be repaired with a special kind of resin.

3.  No unbuckling…until the car stops, that is.  Gone are the days when my kids had to wait until I unbuckled them.  With their newly found independence my kids have, at times unbuckled themselves prior to the car stopping.  I have not let them get away with it even once and reiterate the rule to them often.

4.  Repairs Scheduling a windshield chip repair is easy! Companies like Safelite AutoGlass provide mobile service – wherever your car is – often within 24 hours of your initial call.

5.  Water. If we are headed anywhere for a long amount of time, all the kids get water bottles or sippy cups; even the older ones.  This insures that they are drinking enough water throughout the day and also decreases on the spills which means I am less distracted.

6. Magical, Wonderful, Bag-o-Stuff Car trips can get monotonous for little ones, especially if they are riding in a car in which they can’t see out the window.  When we are headed anywhere further than an hour away, I try to make sure each child has a few various toys with which to occupy themselves.  This cuts down on squabbling and fights which means that I am not distracted by the squabbling and can keep my eyes on the road.

7.  Blue Tooth I love my blue tooth.  I love it even more when I remember to charge it and then when I remember to use it.  On long road trips, well, honestly, even on short ones it is the best practices to either turn off your cell completely or use a blue tooth device.  Eyes on the road, peeps.

8.  Stranger Danger Be aware of your surroundings, especially you mamas traveling with young kids.  There is nothing like a woman with lots of small children to be the perfect distracted target.  If you have to stop to go to the restroom, go to a well-lit, large, gas station or pit stop.  DON’T go six miles off the beaten path to east Podunk.

Should you need a repair while you are on the road or a repair of a problem that occurred WHILE you were on the road, I must say I love what SafeLite AutoGlass does.  They email you a technician profile which includes both the picture and the credentials of the technician who will be arriving to do your repair.  Seriously, I love that! No more wondering if the man in the uniform at the door is legit.

9.  Beef Up No, not your muscles, silly–your first aid kit.  This is something I need to beef up.  Right now my first aid kit consists of some spray-on triple antibiotic ointment, some band aids and an extra diaper. Lovely, I know.  Even so, a first aid kit should include an ace bandage, something with which to make a tourniquet, some water, band aids, triple antibiotic ointment, a solar heat blanket, and some flares.  I’m not even going to go into how to stock your car for winter emergencies. {I personally don’t want to even think about winter for at least another three months.}

10.  Sleep Preferably not at the wheel.  No, I’m talking about getting proper rest prior to going on the road.  So many times I stay up late the night before a vacation getting everything ready, packing, re-packing, doing laundry, only to wake up earlier than normal the next morning and then drive and drive and drive.  No, no, mamas.  Get adequate rest BEFORE you get behind the wheel.

Now it’s your turn.  What is your number one tip for staying safe when you are on the road?

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I wrote this blog post while participating in the SocialMoms and Safelite blogging program, for a gift card worth $30. For more information on how you can participate, click here.

1.  Zaha…Vi..RRRR….no, whatever your name is! You can’t remember who is who, but at least you didn’t try calling them the dog’s name.

2. Clean trumps color. When you have your first child they are most likely going to be dressed in either pink or blue because…well, just because.  However, once you have your third child…especially if you already have a boy and a girl, well color goes out the window.  Green, yellow, pink, blue, whatever’s clean, baby. Literally.

3.  Bye Bye Germa-phobe. You no longer wash the pacifier off every time it falls.  Like my mama always said, “A little dirt never hurt anyone.”

4.  No blood, no foul. Instead of running to your toddler the moment they tumble {or walking around behind them to make sure they *don’t* tumble} you wait, look for blood and then gauge your response accordingly.

5.  Again, with the color. You buy things like mittens, gloves, boots, and crocs in colors that can be worn by both boys and girls.

6.  ”You are letting my son wear that?” This statement could be heard this winter when I sent my son out to play in the snow in his sister’s pink snowpants from last year. Yes, darling, I did let your son wear that.

7.  ”Nope, honey, just stay up here and talk to mommy.” Not to get graphic, but you know you have a lot of kids when you have to take at least one to your OB appointments when you are pregnant.  Let’s just say you become quite skilled in talking to your kiddo WHILE your midwife is taking care of business.

8.  Piece of cake. Chocolate, please. Shopping with only two children is a piece of cake. Or pie. Pick the analogy you prefer.

9.  Whirlpool Mountain. Just like TOPS {the supermarkets} the laundry NEVER stops. {However unlike TOPS, laundry does not ‘save me more.’}

10.  ”You have your hands full.”  **snort** Ya think?

Our pastor spoke today about being with Jesus and how Peter and John were recognized as having been with Jesus.  These two men DID life with Jesus and I was blown away by all the aspects of life that Jesus experienced.  I know in my head that the Bible says He was fully God and fully man.  I “get” that, but today as my pastor was preaching I kind of let my mind wander–

I get all caught up in the God-ness of Jesus.  {I don’t think that is necessarily a bad thing, but just hear me out.} I forget that he had the human side too and those twelve guys he hung around with…get this…they were HUMAN.  They didn’t have the fully God thing happening with them, they just hung out with God. Like all the time.  For some reason I have this preconceived idea that Jesus was strict and never laughed; that the disciples didn’t have fun together.  Then I remember that they were thirteen boys all hanging out. All the time. And I get a different picture in my head.

Just imagine with me for a minute…the air is thick and hot with moisture and they’d been walking all day.  They were headed to the next city and just hanging out together.  Suddenly, John yells up to the front of the pack, “Hey guys, slow up, James has to make a pit stop!”

“Not again,” groans James. “We just stopped.”

Ok, well maybe that didn’t happen, but then again, maybe it did?  Jesus hung out with his twelve best friends; teaching them; talking with them and literally preparing them to change the world.

Anyways, back to the original thought, being with Jesus.  These men were WITH Jesus physically and obviously it caused there to be something about them that people noticed and attributed to Jesus.  When people are around me is it easy to see that I have been with Jesus?  Obviously I can’t physically walk next to him, but I CAN be reading the Bible.  I CAN be talking to him and listening back to what he is saying.  I’m pausing to think.  I know that my language and my behavior and mostly my attitudes does not resonate of Jesus.  Instead, it resonates of pure ME.  Selfish, self-centered, icky, me.  The first thing I can do to remedy that?  Read the Bible.  I know it sounds trite, but it’s the truth, y’all.  Read. It. {and i’m speaking more to me than anyone else…} I’m going to assume that it’s obvious that if I haven’t been spending time with Jesus, then I obviously won’t be exuding Jesus.  So…here’s the question….what am I going to do about it?

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What are YOU going to do about it?

Forgetting

The range of forgetfulness is as wide as the grand canyon and as variegated as coral in a reef {I’m thinking about reefs because I’m missing Puerto Rico and my time there…the school I worked at had graduation last week and kids that I worked with graduated}.  There are those things I want to forget. Like my unkind words with my children last night or my hustling snapping this morning as I was trying to get my pre-schooler out the door.

Some days I wish I could forget the laundry–so I do the next best thing, I shut the laundry room door.  {And guess what…the laundry doesn’t disappear}  Other days I wish I could forget that it’s been a week since the kitchen floor was mopped and I need to get that done too.

Then there are the keys, my wallet, my rotary cutter, my checks, the oil, and where I parked; all things I shouldn’t forget, but I do–regularly.

But most importantly, there are the things I NEVER want to forget…

The picture of “us being best mommy and daughter friends” my daughter drew.

The “watch me, mom!” from my son as he jumps down more stairs than he should.

The “love you, mommy”‘s.

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If you have a moment,

more like five minutes,

link up over at Lisa-Jo’s

believe me, it’s therapeutic.